He likens the "normal" way we have of disciplining children (Supernanny comes to mind, everyone wants to be in charge like her!) to the same transactional system we have in business/economics where you never get something for nothing but everything must be earned, love included. It sounds harsh but if you think about it in practice it is true, here is an example: he mentions one night when his daughter was being difficult, in the sense that she shouted a lot at them and refused to have her bath. After the storm has passed her parents asked themselves if they should still do the night time routine of cuddles and stories before bed. Traditional methods (or conditional ones) tell us that she needs to be punished as being nice to her will only reinforce her bad behaviour, so if she's put to bed with no cuddles or stories she will behave better next time (assuming that children are naturally bad and that they only behave well if we force them to). Conditional parenting will look beyond the behaviour to the child herself, she is only 4 and a new baby has recently been added to the family, she is upset and cross at her parents as she feels they are no longer being with her as much as she has been used to. The unconditional way (I love you no matter how you behave, I love the person not the actions) is to very much give her cuddles and stories as she desperately needs to know she is still loved but to still mention that her behaviour made things hard for everyone.
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